Audio Diary

I've started an audio diary, which for now will be kept to myself. Even though nobody cares about what I type on the internet, I felt this should be an announcement.

One of Those Days

It's always bound to be a bad day, the day after Sunday. The rain outside today is clearly a symbol of the kind of day I'm prepared to have. Every time Sunday comes, I seem to be depressed for the next 2 days at least. I have no idea why, Sundays just suck I guess. Mondays do, too.

This one in particular is no different than the previous two for me, but if you don't know what I've been through lately, you wouldn't know what I meant by that. Keep in mind, I know that this is NOT a major crisis, or the "end of the world," or anything like that. But I'm forced to respond to it like it is because I'm way too emotional for my own good. Anyways, this mostly has to do with a break-up I recently experienced. This one in particular has been the hardest on me of all of them. I say this because I had strong, genuine feelings for this girl. She even knew I was Autistic, and was completely understanding and supportive about it.

So why did something so seemingly perfect have to end so abruptly? My only conclusion is that the whole thing was a lie, and that the whole thing was completely one-sided. This conclusion both DOES and DOES NOT make any sense to me. What I don't understand is why it had to stop. We had never argued one time, even in having been together for almost 3 months, we got along so well, we could talk about anything, we were always there for each other, and we just felt so compatible.

After this break-up, my hope had been crushed for a while. Then, when I FINALLY almost feel fine with everything, Sunday has to come around and ruin everything. Now I'm back to the thought that I shouldn't sit at the table I usually do (where she sits right next to me, causing me intense awkwardness), because I "just take up space." I shouldn't have to think this way EVER, but I sadly have no choice. This is my life.

Anyways, I just needed to vent, I guess. I feel I should more often talk about how I feel, and show how it's stronger for me than most others.

Henryville

The school I attend (Westview Jr./Sr. High School) started a charity drive to help a local town called Henryville, a town which was devastated with tornadoes a few days ago. We started this donation two days ago, and we already have around $1000. I personally have donated a lot of what I could, about $18 so far, but I will continue to donate until the drive is over, one week from today. My logic is that since I do so enjoy helping others, this would be a wonderful way to do so. Anyways, today, some of us have been asked to help load some things into a semi, things such as bottles of water, non-perishable food items, and other things the victims of this disaster will need. It turns out, to my pleasant surprise, that a local news team (WSBT) was at the scene, filming us as we loaded everything onto the truck. A few students were even pulled aside for interviews, and, shockingly, I was one of them! I was basically asked why the donations were important, and how I felt to be a part of it all, all that stuff. I was extremely nervous, and a bit self-conscious, as I'd never been on TV before. I just said the first things that came to mind, and I honestly wish I'd said a bit more or worded things differently, or maybe not have exploited so many of my verbal tics. I constantly used words and phrases such as "but," "you know," and "so." A lot of people have verbal tics, but not like I do. Mine are far more active than many others, where even if I make a conscious effort to stop doing it, I do it anyways. Anyhow, that's my experience with that today. Hopefully it wasn't too boring or irrelevant.

Where to Begin?

Well, a few parents of Autistic children have recommended I start blogging, I assume about my Autism. I took it upon myself to go through with that because I do want to help out as much as I can, and to teach others what it's like for me, since people in my real life seldom listen to a word I say. I'm just unsure as to which aspect of my Autism I should start with. It affects nearly every part of my daily life, I can tell you that much. Anyways, I hope this goes well.